In consideration of ‘all you need is love’

| February 12, 2015 | 0 Comments


The highest form of love is unconditional love. This Valentine’s Day, strive for a love that keeps its sizzle, forges friendship and lasts through commitment. (Courtesy photo)

The highest form of love is unconditional love. This Valentine’s Day, strive for a love that keeps its sizzle, forges friendship and lasts through commitment. (Courtesy photo)


Judy Rocap
U.S. Army Health Clinic-Schofield Barracks
SCHOFIELD BARRACKS — The Beatles sang, “All you need is love.”
Is that really the case?

This weekend, when we celebrate Valentine’s Day, we show our love and affection in cards, candies, flowers, teddy bears, jewelry and other gifts. Kids take cards to their classmates, and couples find those special treats and words for their soul mates.

Types of Love
There are three kinds of love: erotic love, friendship love and committed love that makes a commitment to be there for a spouse through the ups and downs of life, “till death do they part.”

What kind of love have you experienced?

Many of us have experienced that first blush of chemistry when the attraction sizzles, and we see the object of our attention as awesome and amazingly attractive.

The old saying that “love is blind” may have come from this last-described stage of love, the initial physical attraction. It is also called lust and hooking up.

Next is the level of friendship love. People who have fun together, laugh at themselves, show kindness and concern for each other, and share common interests connect with each other in friendship. Friends explore their histories, wants and needs, hopes and dreams. They can spend hours talking and listening to each other and just being in each other’s presence.

Military friendships are often especially strong because of sharing intense experiences together. These friendships often last a lifetime.

We are not meant to do life alone. Friendships keep us grounded and offer support and encouragement through life’s changes and challenges.

The highest form of love is unconditional love. We see this in the love of parents for their children and of spouses for each other. This is the kind of love that says, “I’m in this for the long haul.”

This is also the kind of love that doesn’t cut and run when the family faces hardship or loss. This love stands up against evil and is willing to give up one’s life to save another. This is sacrificial love in that it’s not all about me; it is not self-centered.

It is also the love that gets up with a sick child when it would feel better to stay asleep. It is the kind of love that hugs a spouse even when they are being “unlovely.”

It is the kind of love that forgives and offers “do-overs” when mistakes are made and doesn’t hold grudges. It’s the kind of love that seeks to demonstrate respect, compassion, responsibility … even if one doesn’t particularly feel like it at the moment.

Unconditional love is not feeling or chemistry-based; it is commitment-based love. It can distinguish between the ideal and the real and doesn’t demand or manipulate, but offers acceptance. It supports, encourages and nourishes the other in such a way that that person can reach their full potential.

So, maybe the Beatles were right after all. All we need is love.

How about some of each kind of love?

How about a relationship that keeps its sizzle, forges a strong friendship and lasts a lifetime through unselfish commitment?
(Note: Judy Rocap is a clinical psychologist at the Schofield Barracks Child and Family Behavior Health Services.)

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Category: Community, Health

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