Successful marriages always require skill, training

| August 10, 2017 | 0 Comments

Footsteps in Faith


Chaplain (Capt.) Brian Hargis
2nd Squadron, 14th Cavalry Regiment
2nd Infantry Brigade Combat Team
25th Infantry Division
Recently, I officiated a beautiful wedding in Ohio. The bride meticulously coordinated all aspects of the wedding a year in advance … all except for one.

You see, my agreement to fly in and perform the ceremony was contingent upon the couple receiving premarital counseling from the pastor of the church, but when I called to make final coordination, they had not put forth the effort.

I was perplexed.

“How do you expect to manage the storms of life that will come?” I asked. “What will you do when conflict arises?”

After a brief pause, she replied, “Well, I guess we’ll figure it out on the go.”
Imagine the combat readiness within the 25th Infantry Division if Soldiers enlisted into the Army, skipped Basic Combat Training (BCT) and Advanced Individual Training (AIT), and arrived at the Honolulu airport ready for in-processing. They wouldn’t know how to shoot, move or communicate. Heck, they wouldn’t even know how to properly wear the military uniform!

For this couple to “figure it out on the go” would be disastrous!
Sounds ridiculous, right? Yet, Soldiers, daily (including the one that stopped by my office this morning), enter into lifelong marriage commitments without any training whatsoever and expect that somehow, some way, they will magically “figure it out on the go.”

This flawed thinking is a contributing factor to the ever-increasing divorce rate, where 51 percent of first marriages, 64 percent of second marriages and 76 percent of third marriages end in divorce.

As if that’s not enough, there is an incredible divorce spike in marriages over the 20-year mark – those that never “figured it out on the go.” No, they struggle, they fight, but they stay together for the sake of the children. Now that the kids are grown and moving out, they find themselves living with someone they have nothing in common with except for the family dog.

Perhaps that’s you.

Dear readers, “figuring it out on the go” is killing marriages. Marriage isn’t on-the-job-training because when the blind lead the blind … you get the picture.

As the 25th ID prepares for war with a very near enemy, so should its Soldiers prepare for problems in their relationships. I encourage you to seek marriage training that will equip you with tools to work through the issues.

SCHOFIELD BARRACKS — Sgt. Johnny Lunn of G Co., 3rd Battalion, 7th Field Artillery Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division, gazes intently into the eyes of his wife Chaka, of 2 and half years, as he recites his marriage vows during the battalion’s marriage vow rededication ceremony held at Alii Beach Park in Haleiwa, July 23.

And for those who never received counseling needed but are struggling to figure it out on the go, there’s still hope for you. Take advantage of the opportunities for marriage enrichment provided through your units, Army Community Service (ACS), the Military and Family Life Counselor (MFLC) program, your chapels and chaplains.

Consider attending Wednesday Family Night at Schofield Barracks’ Main Post Chapel beginning Aug. 23. There’s something for everyone, including a Biblical Parenting class that I’ll be teaching. I’d love to see you come out and learn how to start right and finish right.

Decide to boycott the “we’ll figure it out on the go” mentality and gain the skills you need before it’s too late.


Category: Standing Columns

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